Being a Wallflower

Thoughts

When I was in middle school and high school, I always admired people who weren’t afraid to speak to strangers; people who weren’t shy because I always figured that I could have been more of this and of that if I wasn’t so shy. I am an introverted person and I relied on that so much that I would tell myself that I didn’t say what I think because I am just reserved. I then realized that there is a fine line between being reserved and being afraid to speak.

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, but using that as an excuse to give in to fear is where the wrong begins. Just like any other introvert, I do enjoy alone time and despise small talks for too long. I also do need time to recover from exhausting social activities and I do have a small group of people that aren’t exhausting to me. But the thing is, I was also afraid of putting myself out there by initiating conversations or by speaking in public or anything related to me getting out of my comfort zone and this to me was all kind of wrongs because fear is not of God. Fear is not something that I wanted to allow to paralyze me. 

I remember that I had no problem standing in front of an audience to give presentations but that’s because I had no choice. My grades depended on it. Regardless of stress, I would push myself so that I not only give the presentation as if I wasn’t stressed, but also that I do it very well because I cared enough about my grades to make myself uncomfortable so that I achieve what I wanted. So, I figured that having motivation enough would help me do what I wasn’t too comfortable doing. They say life happens outside of your comfort zone, gosh is this true!! I started to tell myself how my future depended on me talking to that professor or talking to that person or company etc. Little did I know that doing just that would help me find my voice. Although still a work in progress, I love how God is  leading me with this. 

 I decided to do positive things that I had never done because of fear and next thing you know, I was going places, climbing down caves, climbing mountains, talking to engineers who intimidated me, walking to a certain professor’s office to boldly talk about research and so on. I would repeat to myself constantly that if fear is the ONLY reason for me not to do something then I should definitely do it. I prayed about it too; telling God constantly to give me the courage necessary to go do this or that without necessarily owning or taking it upon myself to move towards what I was praying about. It’s like returning the free will that God gave me to Him telling Him to literally push me to do certain things when in reality, He had given me the courage I asked for since day 1, had I only decided to lift my feet.

Isn’t it funny how we sometimes try to give our free will back to God because we literally want Him to lift us up and make us do certain things or we want Him to place that person on our path? When in reality, He has already answered our prayers by touching the person’s heart so they can be ready to hear us; The problem is, we do not actually go and talk to that person because we often times want God to answer prayers our way instead of His way. So next time you feel afraid to speak or do certain things when you have already prayed about it, remember, sometimes, all it takes is one step forward! 

From one Introvert to another

Love,

Lori

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5 Things that Happened Once I let Go of Fear

Thoughts

I have talked about how fear was a big part of my life. I used to be scared of doing so many things and I realized that letting fear taking over is basically not trust in the promises of the Lord. God helped me so much with this by reminding me on a daily basis that Fear is NOT of Him.  Letting go of the thoughts and actions that would allow fear to take over me was not easy task. It took time and was a journey, but here is what happened when I finally learned to trust the Lord better. It’s a daily task, but getting there feels amazing.

  1. Confidence

I am not talking about confidence in myself, but more like confidence in the God I serve. I used to be that shy person who wouldn’t talk even when I had some things to say. That quickly changed. If you know me now, you know I say what I think and I feel strongly about a lot of things and I am no longer afraid to stand up for them. I am no longer afraid to stand up for God, for what I believe in. The most amazing thing is I would walk to places for interviews or to talk to professors/advisors or something like that and I would feel extremely calm. These things used to make me nervous, but it’s no longer the case. I usually would pray before hand and would simply acknowledge that God is right beside me on this and I would walk in feeling confident and would talk normally with no stress whatsoever. I had a scholarship interview this semester and usually I would be a bit stressed before hand even more so that the interviewer is known for not being the kindest of people. I walked in there calm as ever, talked and even made the interviewer laugh! It was a change to my usual one word answers! I am forever grateful to God for always keeping me calm during storms.

2. I no longer care what people think of me

I am sure you can relate. Sometimes we let what others think get in the way of what we know we should do or say. Trusting in God and letting go of fear helped me not only know who I am and who I want to be, but also know who God says I am. Now, I truly don’t care at all what people think of me. Not in a bad way. Of course I’d take advice or what not, but I mean I will do whatever I want to do that aligns with God’s will with no care in the world of being judged or looked at sideways. I stand for my beliefs whether people are going to like it or not. I stopped wanting to be liked by everyone and I cherish more being appreciated and loved by the right people.

3. I no longer worry

I used to worry about what is going to happen next or what am I going to be doing tomorrow, what if this happens or that etc. That is no longer the case. I mean of course I am not perfect and I would find myself worry about things here and there, but I always make sure I remind myself who my father is. I found myself being totally okay not knowing what is going to happen next for me because I know God has a plan and I recall that in the past even when I didn’t understand His plans, they eventually made sense when the time was right. 2016 has been so far a total leap year for me about stepping out in faith, what I am going to be doing, where I will be and things like that, and I found myself enjoying it! Even worst I find it kind of fun lol! I take everything as part of the journey and I sometimes think where is the fun in always knowing and controlling what is next!? I leave all that to God because He has never failed me even when I have failed Him! It’s a journey, but doing my best to trust God has never failed me.

4. I am myself at all times

Trusting God and taking in how He loves me has made me realized that God wants us to be who He created us to be. I believe that God wants us to be ourselves because He made us! So letting go of the fear of being judged or of not being liked or whatever else, I am myself all the time. I love myself more not in a conceited way but more like because God made me. I appreciate every thing about me and that made me appreciate and understand others better. I value my soul just like I value the body I am in by loving all out.

5. I love better 

I found myself loving others and understand that means that the other person needs to feel free. Maybe it has to do with the confidence in God, but I am no longer afraid of people leaving me or of trusting others because I believe that God brings people in for a reason and I am always ready to learn the lesson or to open up and love whoever God sends me to love as long as it is His will. I am talking about any kind of love: friendships, relationships, family etc. I have felt myself growing when it comes to understand what it means to love God’s way. Not that I would ever fully understand it but I feel myself loving better and better and I am grateful.

 

I am sure a lot of other things happened that I have not mentioned, but if you find yourself worrying too much about life or about being liked or what others think of you. Or if you find yourself not being bold enough to claim what God has given you or just too afraid to step out in faith, open your Bible, talk to God, and have a little faith. I promise it’s worth it!

Love,

Lori