When The Shoe Does Not Fit

Thoughts

                      I walked into a store a few years back and saw these beautiful wedges. If you know me, you know heels aren’t usually my thing although I DO love them, I just always pick comfort over wearing them. I can do with wedges though! you know they are comfortable not as much of a pain as regular heels. Anyway, I saw them and instantly thought I wanted them. I wear size 6 in sandals and 7 in regular shoes, but we all know how sizing can sometimes not be accurate. I looked at the size of the wedges and realized they were a 6. I thought: “I am a size 6!” (except this wasn’t a pair of sandals). I tried them on anyway and they were super tight. They looked good on my feet, but super extra tight.   To be honest, they didn’t fit. I thought well I will make them work. I will break them in in no time and took them home.  Believe or not I didn’t only do this with shoes back then.

This behavior was all over my relationships with friends or boyfriend. I had this thing where I would realize that someone wasn’t actually meant to stay in my life or just meant to be there and I would hold on to them thinking I would/could make it work. This went on in almost every relationship I had to the point where I would bend myself backwards to “make things work” with people not meant for me to begin with.

Not loving myself and not knowing my worth in God, made me settle to trying to shape myself to fit people into my life rather than allowing the right people who fit into my life to come to me and stay. I was so bound on making shoes that weren’t meant for me fit that I was loosing sight of the ones God had just for me.

How Has This Affected My Relationships?

I wasn’t being One hundred percent myself making it easier for me to be confused about who genuinely cares and who doesn’t. As a result, it was actually hard to have meaningful friendships not based on just hanging out and joking or doing stuffs together. At the end of the day, not one of my “friends” actually knew who I was aside from things I do or superficial characteristics like “Being a nice person” or a helpful person. I was a people pleaser. I couldn’t say no without feeling bad about it sometimes despite my own well being. There is a fine line between being selfless and being a people pleaser. Selflessness comes from a place of love and service while being a people pleaser tends to come from not owning who you are.

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How  Has This Changed?

I wasn’t liking where my life was headed with this and it took time for me to actually really love myself and to own who I am. Knowing who you are makes you realize that you are not for everyone and that everyone is not meant to be in your life. And that is totally okay. Knowing myself and owning it made me not willing to make anything that wasn’t for me fit anymore. I grasped my identity in Christ and in society which led to me knowing what I want, who I want to be, and who God created me to be. That led to me not settling for anything or anyone less than what/who was meant for me. 

As a result, I have made meaningful relationships with people I truly cared about and people who genuinely cared about me. I also was willing to let anyone or anything that was not good for me go and it was totally okay with me. I am okay with saying no because I only say yes if I am not at the same time saying no to myself. I was confident in God and true to myself, beliefs, and morals. I learned to truly be selfless how God intended me while being myself.

Honestly, I prayed about it a lot. I realized so many times how it breaks God’s heart knowing that He made me and that I was not willing to be who He created me to be. I was not willing to realize whose daughter I was. God sent me people, answers, and the realization of His love through His word to help me through this. I am forever grateful.

Even though I knew in theory about all those things that God says about me and how much He loves me, I had to relearn them and fully grasp what they meant. God has made us in His image. He has redeemed us. He loves us. We can either create a temporary identity for ourselves or we can claim the eternal identity that is found in Christ.  

I am sharing this because if this at some point was/is also you, know that you are enough just for being yourself because you are “fearfully and wonderfully made”.  Find strength in God and in His word. Bring Him your worries so he may show you the way to go. You are so beautiful and loved beyond what you can possibly imagine! So whether it comes to shoes, things, people, learn to accept what is yours and what fits you and let go of what doesn’t. The unnecessary pain you get from forcing things is not worth it.

Here are some verses that I found helpful:

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”- Psalm 139: 13-14

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”- Luke 12:7

“Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”- Genesis 1:26

Love,

Lori

 

 

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5 Things I did in Puerto Rico and Loved

Travel

For Spring break a couple of weeks ago, I visited San Juan Puerto Rico and it was amazing! I loved the colors, the people, the culture there, and the welcoming atmosphere. If you haven’t visited yet, I recommend it. Just in case you are planning to visit and are looking for things to do, here are five things I did while I was there and think everyone should do too.

1) Visit Old San Juan

If you are into photography like I am, there are tons of amazing photo or photo shoot opportunities!! Old San Juan is just beautiful. The magical and colorful streets, the people, the smell of food being cooked, the colors of the different art pieces give it that small town vibe. We took the time to walk around more than once and every time there was something new to discover. From good restaurants to bars and shopping places, Old San Juan is a very touristic   place. The food there is a little pricey, but you are on vacation right? Plus, the food is really good so for a one-time thing, it might be worth it.

 

2) Visit Castillo San Felipe Del Morro 

Located in The Old San Juan area, this castle was constructed in the 16th century and was designed to protect the entrance of the San Juan Bay from enemies coming from the sea. There is a lot of history into this monument. It was amazing to me to see how grandiose this place is! The entrance is just gorgeous with miles and miles of green area. Coming there, I remember saying:” It’s like I have died. And woke up in heaven just now.” That’s how beautiful the scenery was. Inside the castle, you can see where they stored  gunpowder, secret passages and so on. There is also an amazing view of the sea up there. Even if you are not into history or historical backgrounds you should visit! Even if it’s for the breathtaking views. Not far from this castle, there is also the Castillo de San Cristobal which is a bit smaller than the previously mentioned above. ( More pictures soon)

 

This is part of the area surrounding the castle

3) Visit El Yunque Rainforest

This Rainforest is not far from San Juan.  The drive may be a bit dangerous as you are driving into the mountains at about 2000 ft of altitude and over. It was also fun driving up there amongst the beautiful trees. Besides from just the forest, this place has hiking trails and viewing towers with breathtaking views. I talked about the view from the castle earlier, but that one is nothing compared to the view from the towers at El Yunque. Also, there are waterfalls there and a lake in which you can swim. They even have a picnic area! So even if you are not into hiking, you can always relax by the waterfalls or at the picnic area. We hiked for hours, but the soreness was worth it because the views were out of this earth! I will upload pictures later on.

 

4) Visit Cueva del Indio

The Indian Caves are located in Arecibo which is about an hour and a half from San Juan.  You might have to rent a car, but it’s totally worth it. Not a lot of people know about it so it won’t be as crowded with tourists as the other places ( you’re welcome). You are charged about 3-4 dollars for parking  and 2-3 dollars per person to walk in. Our host told us about this place and we were amazed by the beauty of it. If you are not into hiking and physical activities this might not be for you. We hiked to the top of the rocky hill and the view… The view!!! Okay! I’ll stop lol. We climbed down the caves which were pretty scary as we had to hold on to rocks and such. Like I said, this might not be for people who are afraid of heights. You also have to walk across exposed limestone to get to the caves and they are sharp so you need to be careful not to fall. The caves were pretty nice. There were bats inside; sleeping of course since it was daytime. The sea was raging on one side of the caves but inside was pretty calm although there was water there too. There are drawings on the walls of the cave. The mountains there are shaped like a bird which is pretty cool. In the first picture below you can see the head of the bird. More pictures will be posted later on.

 

Can you see the head of the bird?

  

 5) Visit a Puerto Rican dancing bar/restaurant

I must say, I am usually the stay at home reading a book person who wouldn’t necessary have the idea to go dancing, but I am glad I did! I love to dance but I am not as good as I would want to when it comes to latin dances. I have Hispanic and latina friends who have taught me before and I am so grateful for them, but I still can’t say that I am an expert. When our host suggested that we go out, I was a little reluctant, but my friend and I wanted to go dancing for the longest so we obliged. We went to the “Boricua” which is a dancing bar in San Juan. I must say Puerto Ricans are such beautiful and warm people! I mean just wonderful! I love them! We played pool ( my first time ever and I did pretty bad of course! But people were cheering me on so that made up for it lol) and danced until we were tired. There also was a beautiful singer that  night with an amazing voice. We had such a great time that we were reluctant to leave. If I wasn’t starving I would have protested when we left at 2 AM.

I also went to the beach but that’s another story. 😉

Until next time!

Love,

Lori

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You can tell who was winning right? lol, I am on the right side.( Photo courtesy of Andreas)