This text I wrote in my journal last year and added things to it. I wanted to document how things have changed and I wanted it to be a reminder to be grateful for every single change good or bad. For Christ has carried me through it all. Maybe these are things I wish someone told my 18-year-old self, but anyway that’s not the point. Why am I posting this besides the obvious reason that I can and want to? Well the purpose was and still is to document the journey and if this helps a 18, 19, 20 or whatever year old somewhere, I’d know that it served its purpose:
You will forgive your dad and your mom will become one of your best friends! How crazy is that! Moving is not as hard as you think. It’s going to be okay. You’ll adjust. You always do.
You’ll find love, you’ll lose it too! only to finally learn that love is God and love is in you so you can never lose it. That heartbreak is not the end of your world. It’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll learn that the best way to love someone is to love them in a way that lets them feel free. You’ll like that guy, but you’ll also learn to let him go voluntarily because you’ll learn that chaos is not love. You’ll also learn that the right person does not come with heightened emotions and messiness, but with calm and peace of mind. I repeat it, love is calm, reassuring and peaceful. Don’t mistake chaos and dysfunction for love.
You’ll learn how to say yes and mean it and how to say no without regrets. You’ll learn to let go. You’ll learn to be and love yourself. All of it. Girl! You’ll even cut off all your hair at some point! In fact you’ll do it twice! Don’t worry about wearing hats to cover it up because you will absolutely love it! You’ll love every bit of yourself all the time even that scar on your right shoulder!
You won’t ever care about what people think of you and you’ll let go of fear. You’ll travel and visit places you never thought you would. You’ll graduate and go somewhere you never thought you would. You’ll find work. The perfect one for you too! You’ll move out of your mother’s house and learn to “adult”.
You’ll learn photography and so many other things! I know you love learning so get ready for this! You’ll even have a blog! Keep up with your writings! You’ll see why some day. oh and you’ll learn praise dancing and you’ll love it so much that even when you’re tired you’ll still go to practice! I know you want to learn sign language now so don’t give up on that just yet! You’ll figure out what you want to do and you’ll love it.
You’ll lose friends, but you’ll find new ones too. Most importantly, you’ll find the right ones. You will grow apart from most of your high school friends and that’s okay. You’ll learn to speak up, to walk in your truth no matter what. And you’ll learn to stand up for God, your beliefs, and others. You’ll be braver than you ever thought you could be. The earthquake and all you’ve been through will leave some scars, but you’ll learn how to make the best of it.
People will still sometimes treat you wrong, but forgive them. Forgive a lot. And sometimes, speaking up and saying how you feel clears up a lot of misunderstandings. So say how you feel and explain more.
oh and you’ll meet God! I mean much better than anything you’ve experienced with Him before. You’ll get re-baptized and become Adventist like your mother! Who knew right?? But Trust God! He knows what He is doing! When He tells you to do something, don’t ever question it! Do it right away! You’ll fail Him still. You’ll get away from Him at some point, but hang in there! He never leaves your side and it gets better. You’ll eventually find your way back.
You’ll still make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them. Go easy on your mother, she is trying really hard. Your brother will still be your partner in crime so don’t worry. There is so much that you’ll learn and I could go on forever, but let me not ruin this for you more than I already have!